Before Dawn
by SingingBlues
Summary: The war was over and the Black Order was officially disbanded. Everyone was parting ways, preparing for their next journey. Allen, on the other hand, wasn't really sure whether he could move on. Yullen.
1. Stepping Past

**Title: Before Dawn**

**Rated: T**

**Genre: Angst/Romance**

Summary: The war was over and the Black Order was officially disbanded. Everyone was parting ways, preparing for their next journey. Allen, on the other hand, wasn't really sure whether he could move on. Yullen.

Note: This was just a sudden idea after I finished watching Yu-Gi-Oh! Seriously, I wasn't really happy when Atemu (Yami no Yugi) was leaving for the UnderWorld. It was just so painful and sad seeing the two of them fight during the Ceremonial Duel. I just wished that he could stay with Yugi and his friends in the real World, but this wasn't right either. Atemu wasn't considered a living being but a spirit wandering for 3000 years in the Millennium Puzzle. I guess he has to move on in his afterlife. I cried a little at the last part when he was going to step into the UnderWorld *sniff*-

Another DGM story, this time a one-shot. I have never tried writing one-shots before so this is my first time! Reviews are always welcome~! This story is my very first angst fic so pls give me opinions on how I write!

* * *

The war between Exorcists and the Millennium Earl was finally over. The Millennium Earl was pronounced dead, killed by the Destroyer of Time, Allen Walker. The Noahs had mysteriously disappeared, except Tyki who decided to stay with his friends working at the mines. It was a heavy burden put down as the worst had finally passed by.

"It's so glad that it is over!" Miranda said happily.

"You are right!" Lenalee smiled and replied. The two of them were helping the Science Department to clear up the office which was filled with papers filled with the information of the Innocence and the relevant cases which the Exorcists had done and completed months ago. The whole place was filled with laughter, as everyone was discussing excitedly on what they were going to do when the Order was disbanded from tomorrow onwards. Many would be returning to their families and loved ones who were waiting for them for such a long time.

"Please eat as much as you can! There are still plenty of food for all!" Jerry shouted merrily as he served the delicacies on the table. A farewell party was held tonight, and it would be the last day for all of them to eat his food so he wanted them to remember his delicacies forever in their hearts. Loud cheers could be heard among Exorcists who were celebrating their victory over the Millennium Earl.

"It is so great that this is finally over! Now I can return to my family!"

"Yes, it is. But where is Allen-dono? He is the main character for defeating the Earl!"

"Yeah, you are right. Where is he?"

* * *

Allen was in his room, packing up his stuffs as they were going to move out tomorrow. He was alone in the first place after Mana had died, but Lenalee had offered a place for him to live together with her and Komui, so he was to move in together with the two of them and live with them from tomorrow onwards. The silver-haired teen was putting his shirt into his bag, when he stopped.

It was supposed to be great news. Though Lenalee and Komui weren't his real family, but at least he had company and would not be alone anymore. Those sad memories in the past with Mana were gradually fading. He was sure Mana wanted him to feel this way as well, yet there were some facts which he couldn't forget. Allen stared at his left hand which was his Innocence when invocated. This was the hand which hurled down and killed Mana instantly. At that time, he couldn't control it in time and caused that tragedy, one which made him regret, that painful mark could not be removed. It was after years later when he was doing his job as an Exorcist, did he finally understand how Mana was feeling at that time.

Now, he was going to abandon that past completely, stepping into a new life. It was a brand new start for Allen Walker, yet he wasn't really feeling happy about it. Something seemed to be missing. He zipped his bag and left it at the side of the bed, walking over to the window.

"Allen, are you coming down?" Lavi's shriek could be heard from Timcanpy who was flying over to his side. Allen smiled at the little golden ball settling down on his shoulder as he stroke its soft fur gently. The golem reminded him of that annoying Master who kept giving him debts that he left behind. He could imagine those days when he had to work very hard just to reduce the million pieces of bills stacking up his desk. It was really hell, and he swore that he would take revenge one day.

"How are you, Master?" Allen murmured softly at his lips, looking at the distant moon above the sky. That revenge couldn't be realised anymore, now that his Master had gone to a faraway place. He wondered how he was doing now. He wished to tell him personally that he had defeated the enemy by his own powers, not depending on the powers of the Fourteenth.

"Allen?"

"Soon, Lavi." But the truth was, he did not want to leave this room one bit. Allen slowly sat down on the floor and leaned against the side of his bed, gazing at the moon and the stars. The night breeze entered the windows, making the room cooler. The small bell attached at the ceiling rang continuously throughout the silence of the night, never ending. He stared at the clock. It was ten o'clock. The farewell party should be starting now. He could imagine the variety of delicious delicacies displayed on the tables, yet surprisingly, it did not make him hungrier. He sighed, closing his exhausted eyes as he put his hand on his forehead.

He started thinking about Kanda.

_"Stupid! What the hell are you doing? Go and get the Innocence now!"_

_"No." _

_"No, I cannot do that, Kanda." He spoke calmly. Kanda threw his Exorcist coat right at his face hardly._

_"What is this? Exorcists wear it! It isn't meant to be a pillow for the wounded!" Kanda hissed before he stood up, walking towards the doll._

_"If you cannot do it, I will."_

_"Then I will be it." That stopped the other's footsteps, as he turned and stared at him with shock and anger. That dark and cold gaze wrenched his heart, yet he knew he had to continue._

_"They promise each other. So until then, I cannot take her Innocence. As long as I destroy the Akuma, it will be okay right? Everything is meaningless to win a war with sacrifices!"_

_He felt a hard slap on his face. Both of them fell onto the ground. Kanda winced and coughed hoarsely, clutching on his severe wound on his chest which was still bleeding._

_"What a pathetic fool, having feelings for them and wanting to sacrifice yourself just for their promise."_

Allen laughed softly at that recollection. That first mission with Kanda hadn't gone rather well for the both of them. In fact, they were already at loggerheads when they met each other for the first time. But somehow, it was pleasant for him to be able to remember this which had happened for such a long time ago. He had a good memory, but he wasn't sure that he would remember parts of it with Kanda. That guy always hated him to the core, and he was displeased with his snobbish and arrogant remarks as well.

He sighed as he opened his eyes, hugging his knees tightly as he put his head on his knees, feeling depressed all of a sudden. He was not sure why he was feeling so down lately, especially today. No doubt he was going to miss all his friends in the Order, but there was someone he couldn't erase away from his mind lately. Allen stood up to his feet and walked out of the room, with Tim following him behind.

He walked across the corridors, greeted by many people who were grateful that he had defeated the ultimate enemy. Allen forced a smile, not in a mood to engage a conversation with the Finders and the other Exorcists right now. He refused politely, excusing himself whenever someone approached him. He wondered why he was acting so stupid in front of everyone. He was the main hero, and it was rather rude not to be present at the farewell party. It was his last moments with his friends. He should use this time to catch up with them, yet...

_Kanda, what the hell are you doing? Why are you doing this? I didn't ask you to do this! Bastard, this attack is meant for me! Why did you take it?_

Kanda was a mysterious person. He wondered whether his mood was originally foul and bad-tempered. No one could guess what he was exactly thinking. He was one who would abandon people without the slightest hesitation if they proved to be a burden to him, and he did not allow anyone to get any closer to him. No one could reach to the inner side of his heart. He was always pushed away by the raven-haired samurai, yet the more he pushed him towards the edge, the more he wanted to understand him.

Why was he thinking about Kanda at this point of time? Wasn't it...too late?

Allen shivered slightly at the coldness entering his body. He pulled his coat closer to his body as he walked down the flight of stairs to the basement. He could heard the loud cheers from a faint distance. He turned and walked the opposite way from the cafeteria. He wondered whether he was avoiding them, and for what reasons is he avoiding? Through the paths laid in front of him, where exactly was he going?

The silver-haired teen turned to the right, seeing the training room in front of him. It was a place whereby the Exorcists trained themselves, yet why was he here? Allen stopped and stared at the training room for a while, hesitant to proceed forward. It seemed that the light inside was switched on. Someone was definitely inside, and he had a slight hunch on who he was.

Allen slowly approached the wooden doors, and as he was about to reach it, he stopped abruptly, his hand in the air. The coldness of the night breeze was making his chest heavier, his heart thumping inside with difficulty. Something was preventing him to open this door. He did not have the courage to open it and face that person who was inside. His fingers were shaking slightly. He was feeling afraid; afraid of the truth he had to face when he opened this door.

Suddenly, the door opened, startling Allen as he jumped back in astonishment. The long shadow of Kanda Yu was standing by the door, shocked to see the silver-haired teen at the doorstep as well.

"Why are you here?"

"No, um...I just come here," Allen answered with a stutter, avoiding the other's gaze as he stared hardly at the ground. Why was he acting stupid in front of this guy?

"Aren't you supposed to be at the party?"

"Yes."

"I see."

The whole conversation was getting out of place. At the same time, Allen was shocked that he could ever have a calm conversation alone with the Kanda Yu who would always throw sarcastic remarks at him. He felt his face burning red with embarrassment, urging his legs to move immediately, yet that pair of legs did not listen to his command. He cursed inwardly to himself, feeling totally screwed up.

"Then, do you want to come with me to the party then?" He asked gruffly. Allen's eyes widened at that statement, before he nodded his head. The two of them walked side by side, not saying anything for a few minutes. Kanda turned and stared at the night sky, while Allen just stared at his shadow, wondering how to talk to this samurai. Staying silent wasn't a way to solve the problem between the two of them.

"So...Kanda?"

The raven-haired samurai did not respond at first. Allen bit his lip, wondering whether he should just keep quiet for the rest of the moment.

"What?" He finally responded, his head still facing the sky. He did not get his total attention, but this was all he needed. Allen took a deep breath, preparing his first question for the raven swordsman.

"Where are you heading from tomorrow onwards?"

That sounded weird. It was as if he wanted to know exactly where Kanda would be going. Allen slapped his face mentally, wondering why he was asking such a question. He looked down in disappointment, decided not to talk further.

"Not sure. Probably returning back to Japan."

Surprisingly, Kanda answered, to his greatest astonishment. The raven-haired teen turned away from the sky and started to look around aimlessly. Allen blinked, wondering whether he was dreaming. Kanda had actually...had _actually _replied his question clearly without a slight scowl to tell him to mind his own business.

"I see. That's good! You must have missed your hometown a lot right? After all, you have not gone back for years."

"No." He replied again, his tone soft and cold. The moonlight was now shining brightly at their footsteps, their long shadows casting across the clear white tiles. His hair wasn't tied up as usual, the loose strands falling down onto his broad shoulders gently. Allen stopped in his tracks, gradually feeling sick in his stomach. He wasn't used to chatting nicely towards Kanda, and he was definitely not used to Kanda chatting rather amiably towards him.

"I see!" He suddenly laughed for no reason, rubbing the back of his head and acting like a random stupid fool. He couldn't find any more questions to ask the raven-haired teen anymore. Not that he had no questions, but he couldn't bring out the questions towards him. Allen opened his mouth, but realised that no words came out. He stalled for a while, before closing it as he looked outside solemnly.

In the end, what exactly was their relationship? In the past, they quarrelled. They couldn't get along with each other well. That was because they hadn't known each other very well yet. The war was already over, and the both of them had somehow understood each other. In conclusion, were they going to stay this way forever? Was their relationship going to remain this unclear?

"Why are you acting so strange today, Moyashi?" Kanda suddenly stopped walking and asked, staring at him with a serious gaze. That blue sapphire eyes shimmered so beautifully under the faint moonlight, never wavering. It was his first time seeing such a strong light in his gaze, looking straight into his eyes which stunned him. Allen blinked in slight astonishment as he stopped as well, staring back at him. His lips parted slightly for a moment, before it closed. Allen turned 90 degrees to the left, his side facing the swordsman.

"I don't know." He managed to say something, trying to swallow the lump in his throat that had been there for a while. He frowned, feeling wet tears welling up his eyes. Was it that painful? Was it so painful to say his last farewell to him? The weird and heavy feeling was slowly travelling up to his chest. His heart wrenched painfully. Allen looked down at his solitude shadow, clenching his hands tightly as he pushed away these emotions.

Was it that hard to let go?

He saw the ground, seeing another shadow gradually approaching him. As that pair of hands touched his shoulders gently and lightly, tears started spilling out and streaming down his face uncontrollably. He shutted his eyes and pushed Kanda away, but not too hardly.

"Sorry." He turned and started to leave. Steps echoed throughout the quiet corridor as he walked on and not turning back. He continued to stare at the ground, until he could no longer see his shadow. The walk turned into a run, as he sprinted back to his room and slammed the door, leaning against it. Tears still did not cease, even when he was not around. Allen sobbed softly, hugging his little golden friend who flew towards his chest for comfort.

There was a knock on the door. Allen ignored it, but when there was another knock, he frowned in annoyance and cleant away the tears, standing up and opening the door. He was about to shout at that person disturbing him when that person turned out to be Lenalee.

"Allen? What happened to you?" She asked in a soft whisper. She must have noticed his red and swollen eyes from the moonlight view. He said nothing and let her in, walking to his bed and sat down. She went to his side and sat down on the bed as well.

"Allen, why aren't you joining us at the farewell party?" Lenalee asked, looking at him worriedly. Allen's head was still downcast, refusing to look at her. He wondered whether Lenalee came at the right moment. She was his important friend, so it wasn't right to chase her away either. But he looked so horrible right now. Why must he always bringing such inconvenience to his friends?

"Allen, can you at least...say something? Don't keep it to yourself." Lenalee clasped his cold hands together with hers. She sounded as if she was about to cry. What could he say? That he wanted to remove the barrier which had been blocking him and Kanda for a long time? That he had feelings for him, yet he knew that it could never be returned?

"I'm sorry, Lenalee." He did not know what to say.

* * *

It was three in the early morning. The loud noises and laughter had died down about an hour ago. It was assumed that everyone was tired from all the partying and had gone back to their respective rooms to sleep for the night. Allen sat on the bed, staring at the night sky blankly. He couldn't sleep. Even if he was extremely exhausted, he would not allow himself to close his eyes and fall asleep.

Soon, dawn would arrive. It would be just a matter of time. Allen sighed, remembering the happy days together with this huge family protecting one another when danger approached. He did not expect time to pass by so fast. In just a blink of an eye, everyone was going to part ways tomorrow. He wasn't even sure whether they would be able to meet again.

Allen reached down to the drawer beside the bed, taking out the only photo album he had. It was his birthday present given to him by his friends. He flipped the heavy book open, seeing different faces and smiles greeting his eyes. There were little pictures of him and Mana though. There was one taken when celebrating Lenalee's birthday a year ago, together with Lavi and Lenalee. Another one was taken when they were in China. Everyone was so happy at that time. He would not forget those days together with them.

He flipped the page, seeing one taken together with Kanda. It was the only photo which had Kanda inside. Apparently, he was deceived by Lavi into taking this picture together with him, Lenalee and the redhead. After that, he could remember Lavi having multiple injuries which had probably gotten from the hot-tempered raven swordsman. Allen laughed softly at that memory. It was still vivid in his mind.

Allen's laugh gradually stopped, his smile faltered. He slowly closed the photo album and put it beside his bag for tomorrow's journey. Everyone's happy memories would be kept safely in this photo album. Whenever he missed them, he would take out and read page by page, remembering every single enjoyable encounter with them.

Everything had all become a memory. There will be a time when everyone will eventually part, embarking on their own journey towards their future. He couldn't be selfish. The relationship between him and Kanda...would only be a fleeting moment. Allen looked down, forcing his tears back.

_A fleeting moment..._

Just before dawn, he wished in his dreams.


	2. Moving On

**Before Dawn**

I'm really thankful for the reviews that all of you have given me! I'm really touched by your comments on my writing (and slightly surprised as well). To thank all readers who have read/reviewed this story, there will be an additional chapter which will end off everything on this story. The first chapter is mainly focusing on Allen, so the second chapter will be focusing on Kanda :3

So basically, this marks the end of this story. It's a rather short one. In fact, I don't want to produce too much plots for this story. I would leave their ending to all of you, whether they would be together in the end, or would their relationship stop in this stage forever...it's really up to all of you.

Secondly, I...might create a sequel for this story, only _**if **_people request it. I would be creating a poll in a few days time for all of you to vote on whether you want a sequel for this story. The sequel would most likely be concluding on their relationship. So...if you want a sequel, if you want the both of them to have a happy ending (which I want as well 3 ), please take part in the poll, and choose accordingly! Once I receive enough votes, I will announce whether I would be posting the sequel at my profile. The sequel will also be a short fic, about 5chapters ending all. Unfortunately, the sequel will not be posted until the end of my final exams, which is around mid September. I would be busy from now onwards, so updates on my stories would be slow as well. Please bear with me. I will definitely complete my stories :)

Enjoy~! Reviews are always welcome~!

* * *

**Chapter 2: Moving On**

It was ten o'clock.

It was the last day that he would be staying in the Black Order. The Order would be officially disbanded tomorrow, and everyone would be going back to their original places, to where they originally belonged. They could finally meet their families and loved ones after long years of separation.

Kanda sighed as he stared at the night sky above him. Mugen was lying silently beside him, beneath his left palm. The white bracelet was shimmering brightly under the light. He grunted lowly, putting his hand at his forehead as he closed his exhausted eyes. It wasn't his business to attend the party, yet he knew that if he did not go, that idiotic redhead would come and pull him by himself. Kanda frowned at that thought. He did not want that bunny to disturb him at this moment.

The war had finally ended, ceasing the endless bloodshed between humans and akumas for many years to count. The Millennium Earl was dead, and the Noahs had disappeared somewhere, to his greatest displeasure. He thought of killing Tyki when he found out that the perverted guy had chose to stay behind, only to be stopped by Allen whose soft side had acted on its own.

_"Move it, Moyashi."_

_"No, Kanda."_

_"Wh-I said move it, Moyashi!"_

_"And I already said no! It is meaningless to add another sacrifice to it."_

_"What? Sacrifice? This...Noah is even considered as one?"_

_"Kanda, this war has claimed many people's lives! Tyki is also a human! He is like me, a human who has become one of the victims! Can't you understand? We...cannot let such tragedies to happen again."_

Kanda opened his eyes, staring at the wooden ground of the training room. He gritted his teeth, clenching his hands as he tried to control the heavy emotions burning inside him. He just couldn't understand. Sympathy was meaningless. It was sympathy which would lead to another tragedy, and he knew it very well. The swordsman clutched onto his left chest where his curse previously was. He couldn't feel pain anymore, and the painful mark which tied him tightly to it had long gone after the Earl died. It was still a mystery about its disappearance. The hourglass which contained the lotus flower was gone as well.

"Yuu, when are you coming?" There was an irritating screeching noise from the black golem which startled Kanda slightly. The raven Exorcist looked up and glanced at the flying thing, his eyes narrowed in irritation. Even at this quiet place, he couldn't get complete silence.

"Shut up. I told you that I'm not interested."

"Why not? It's the last day we can spend time together! We might not know when we can meet again, you know -" Kanda slapped away the golem hardly, causing the transmittion to be interrupted slightly. He eyed the annoying thing with a slight fierce gaze as it came flying back to him again, totally not understanding what he meant when he slapped it away.

"Yuu, don't slap your golem like that! You would spoil it!" Kanda raised his eyebrow, wondering how the hell Lavi knew that he did that. He had probably did it too loudly, he supposed. Kanda snorted softly and turned out to the open, gazing aimlessly at the moon and the twinkling little stars. It felt as if the place was getting darker, the light slowly seeping out of the training room even though the light was left switched on. His long shadow stretched down from his legs to the faint walls. The fabric of the pants was tickling his legs slightly as it stirred by the blowing wind.

"It would be so fun! You are like that, Allen is also like that. Geez, what happened to the both of you?"

"Stop comparing me with that Moyashi!" Kanda snapped, but a second later, realised what Lavi was saying. There was rarely a time when Allen did not participate in such meaningless parties and events. Mostly he was pulled by Lavi and Lenalee, or he was simply tempted by the delicacies prepared by the cook, Jerry. He couldn't miss his favourite dessert, mitarashi dangos, for every meal. It sounded so retarded. His mind must be constantly thinking of food and nothing else. He frowned, wondering why he was thinking of that midget all of a sudden.

_After all, you still hate me._

"Yeah, I still hate you, Moyashi. And this will never change," Kanda murmured to himself. Somehow, it felt different when he was saying this statement. His chest felt slightly...heavy. His heart was acting...weird. He felt awkwardly melancholic towards that Moyashi. Kanda mentally slapped himself and shook his head.

"I hate you. I hate you. I...hate you, Moyashi." He cleared his throat, saying again and again. He repeated the same statement, using a stronger and firmer tone to express his strong view towards it. He thought that it was wrong, and he was never wrong in his judgement. He shutted his eyes, taking a slow and deep breath. His heart did not calm down, thumping harder. His chest felt so tight, making him so difficult to breathe. His hands loosened and clenched, anxious and slightly worked up at something.

"I...hate you. I...hate...hate..." His words trailed off, drowned by the soft howls of the night breezing entering through the open air. Kanda leaned against the doors, feeling so lost and so empty and so contradicted at himself. It wasn't fair towards the silver-haired Exorcist. The two of them had known each other's feelings and situations better than anyone else. Through their quarrels and their bickerings, somehow they could manage to notice the slight difference. They did not confide in each other. Somehow, they just understood.

"Yuu, what are you mumbling just now?"

"Nothing," Kanda stared at the clock. The party should have started by now. His long strands of straight fringe brushed across his face for a slight moment, his view blurred and unclear. There was a light scent of jasmine lingering in the air, preventing him to fall asleep even though he was tired. Soft rustles rang softly through the silent air, making the whole place emptier. Was he going to miss this place after all? Was he feeling so reluctant in this place? Had he been...attached to this place?

Was he...going to miss everyone here? Everyone, including...

"Yuu, if you are not coming, I am going to come to your place and literally drag you to the cafeteria."

"Stop threatening me, you stupid rabbit!" Kanda growled, but it was useless arguing with that redhead. Once Lavi said it, he meant it and he would really do it. Kanda ran his fingers through his hair as he stood up, getting ready to leave the room. He could hear that disgusting laughter coming from Lavi, saying jokes and stuffs about the Exorcists that he had previously worked with. Kanda took up Mugen and was about to walk to the door when he noticed a shadow lingering at the entrance.

Kanda slowly walked to the door, his heavy steps vibrated the whole floor with a low thud. His hand slowly reached out to the door and was about to open it, when he stopped. He stared at the frozen hand which had stopped moving, wondering what this was. His fingers inched closer to the door, and with a long pull which seemed like eternity, he finally opened the door.

Allen jumped back in fright, showing a startled face at his sudden appearance. Was that midget not expecting him to be here at such timing? The gaze in his eyes was shaking, his breathing was uneven, and he looked afraid.

"Why are you here?"

"No, um...I just come here," He answered with a stutter, which had never happened before. Kanda raised his eyebrow in slight curiosity. He did not rebuke back as often, and their bickerings had somehow lessened before he could even notice it. Allen was constantly staring at the ground. He looked afraid -no, he was definitely afraid of something. That expression of his had already shown to everyone. He couldn't hide, even with the help of his fake mask plastered at his face.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the party?"

"Yes."

"I see."

He wasn't sure why Allen was here at this moment. Was it just a coincidence, or did he have some motive in coming here? Kanda stared at Allen for a while, knowing that the two of them couldn't just stay in this awkward situation forever. He wasn't used to taking the initiative, but it was best for now.

"Do you want to come with me to the party then?" Allen looked up at him, and he saw the same startled look on his confused face. Kanda turned away, wondering why he was doing this. It wasn't his business to care about that midget, yet he was practically disturbed by the lost gaze present in the silver orbs. Would the silver-haired teen ever produce such a...vulnerable and powerless look towards someone? He looked like a lost child who lost his sense of directions.

They walked together silently, looking at opposite directions. He pretended to stare at the sky outside, his mind couldn't erase that expression which hit him slightly. Allen did not say anything either. Kanda frowned, totally not used to such silence between the both of them. The two of them would never have such word present in the dictionary. Kanda turned behind slightly, seeing that Allen had not noticed yet. Something was definitely amiss.

"So...Kanda?"

He turned back quickly. his eyes settling onto the sky outside again. Allen's voice sounded so weak and so shaky, seemed to be hesitant of something. Kanda kept quiet, observing on how Allen would respond. Normally, the silver-haired teen would get sick of his behaviour and scold him, but today, he was keeping quiet as well.

"What?" He responded. The only time he hated silence, was when he was with Allen and no one else.

"Where are you heading from tomorrow onwards?"

At this question, his mind stopped and pondered as well. He was borne with a cursed fate, leaving nothing behind. His clan had all been massacred, with no one spared. He had been forced to accept the burning curse given to him and continue with the wrecked life of his. In order to save himself from insanity, he abandoned everything. He threw them all away. Now, when he was asked such question, he was slightly stunned. Now to think of it, he had nowhere to return.

"Not sure. Probably returning back to Japan." But he knew he wasn't. Anywhere would be fine, but not Japan, where cold memories and unsettled emotions lingered. He had no destination to begin with. He was alone in the first place. He had lived with it till now, yet he wasn't certain on how long he could hold on.

"I see. That's good! You must have missed your hometown a lot right? After all, you have not gone back for years."

"No," Kanda replied rather coldly, slightly annoyed. It would be a lot better if he would never returned to that place forever. His eyes blinked, slightly not used to the darkness. The faint moonlight was guiding them along the mazes around the Order, and their shadows cast across the walls. The wind was quieter than usual, their footsteps echoing so loudly. Kanda clenched his hands, feeling anxious for no reason.

"I see!" Allen laughed loudly, and rather awkwardly. He just scratched at the back of his head, giving a stupid and sheepish smile at his lips. It wasn't the first time that midget had been acting like this, but the more he laughed, the more he felt irritated.

"Why are you acting so strangely today, Moyashi?" Those words finally escaped out of his mouth, and he was taken aback by himself as well. What made him speak these words? He was extremely bothered and disturbed by Allen's behaviour, but not to the extent of asking Allen himself. His lips remained open for a few seconds, before it gradually closed, wetting his lips with his tongue. His throat had suddenly gone dry, and his chest tightened. He felt...horrible.

"I...don't know." Allen replied after a long while, turning 90 degrees to the left as his side faced him. Silver strands flew up lightly as the night breeze blew past his face and his whole body. That boy looked frail. How long had he been fighting with that body of his? Kanda stared at his solitude shadow, seeing that silver orbs which were exceptionally dull today. How long had Allen been staying this way? How long had the _both of them _been staying this way?

Allen stared at the ground, his eyes looking so sad, losing its beautiful shine. Kanda's eyes widened, and before he even knew it, he was slowly pacing towards the silver-haired teen, his hands trying to reach that heavy shoulders which were sinking that poor boy down. At that time, he just did not want Allen to make such a agonising face. He did not want that light living in his eyes to disappear. He did not want...Allen to disappear.

Kanda flinched, his fingers jerked slightly. It was awkward, as he slowly placed that pair of warm hands onto the cold and foreign shoulders. At that instant, he had no idea on what he was exactly doing. He just touched, and felt slightly stunned by this. He wasn't thinking right -no, he was definitely not thinking correctly.

But, to his utter surprise, Allen rejected it.

He pushed that pair of hands away gently and mumbled an apology, walking out of the space shared by the two of them. He stared at his shadow silently. His whole mind was in a fluster, his messy thoughts confused him. He had never thought that this would happen to the both of them. What was this mixed emotions burning inside him, trying to tell him something? This person was just Allen! He tried explaining this dilemma in a reasonable way, yet he just couldn't. His arms slowly fell to the sides of his body silently. He wasn't surprised that he didn't stop Allen when he left. But...

Why did Allen leave?

* * *

It was one.

Kanda tossed and turned in his bed, feeling slightly hot and slightly frustrated. The windows were opened so widely, yet he could not catch a single blow of night breeze for the past few hours. He grunted as he turned again, the raven strands all over the pillow messily. He was wearing a singlet which revealed his chest partially, shimmering faintly in the moonlight. He opened his lips, hissing slightly as he wetted it using his tongue moving from side to side. Dark sapphire eyes opened, seeing the starless sky outside.

_Sorry._

His finger twitched, the heavy feeling coming back to him again. Kanda shutted his eyes and turned his back towards the windows, thinking that it might be a little too bright, yet it was still the same. He just couldn't sleep for no reason. The raven-haired teen opened his eyes slowly, staring at the darkness in front of him.

_Sorry._

He stared. His heart pounded hardly at his chest, reminding him of the remaining time which was slowly slipping away. That pair of dark eyes narrowed as Kanda pulled the covers over his face.

Why was Allen Walker bothering him so much?

* * *

It was three.

He could hear the loud croaks of the birds flying across the night sky. The irritating noise pierced through his ears and echoed loudly in his head repeatedly. The covers was already thrown on the floor, his legs sprawled out towards the edge of the bed. He was breathing heavily, not because he was experiencing a bad dream. It was far worse than that. Kanda hissed, covering his fatigue face with his hand.

_Sorry._

That word from him just couldn't get out of his head. He couldn't erase that particular expression he gave at that time, and couldn't forget the last word he said when he pushed him away. Questions ran through his mind repeatedly, and his inner sense told him strongly that something was definitely wrong.

Allen was the one who _pushed _him away. He was supposed to be the one who was disgusted by such emotions, especially towards Allen. He should be the one pushing him away. This particular thought stung him slightly. It felt surprisingly unbearable. He did not like it. Was he feeling humiliated from that mere light push? It did not feel like it, yet it was making him more irritated.

Allen Walker was just someone whom he hated. He was someone who kept standing in his way, having that naïve and soft side of his and thinking so highly of himself, that he would save many people even if that means working his body beyond the limit. It was stupid, so stupid. He was just courting his own death. Why should he care? Yes, he shouldn't care. He shouldn't even care. After all, he hated him.

He hated him so much, so much...

Kanda groaned softly, curling himself inside the hot covers.

Yet, somewhere deep down, something inside him shook slightly when he saw that solemn expression on his pale and frail face. The deep hatred was slowly disappearing when he saw that pair of grey orbs which never betrayed its own feelings. He started...feeling for this person when he saw how much Allen desperately wanted to save humans when he was fighting the enemy. He started...worrying for Allen when he risked himself and took the blow for him.

It...wasn't supposed to end up like this. It wasn't supposed to be _that _difficult. It was the best time to forget him, yet why was he feeling so hesitant? Why was he clasping onto that particular bond which tied the two of them together? Wasn't it the time to move on?

Kanda's eyes widened.

_To...move on?_

* * *

It was seven.

Kanda was standing by the window, staring silently at the deep shades of red and orange and yellow colouring the whole stretch of the horizon as the sun was slowly rising. The black golem was already flying to his side, and he could hear the voice of Komui who was contacting him. He stared at the scenery, opening his lips as he took in a deep breath.

It had been so fast before he could realise it, their journey had ended and they were embarking on their next journey. Happy and bitter memories were shared among them, every one of them held great significance inside their hearts. Because of these memories, they could never forget one another easily. Or maybe they could never erase them away completely.

"Kanda-kun, are you ready?" Kanda snorted softly. He went over to the side of his bed and took his luggage and Mugen. As he reached the exit of the room, he stopped, his hand stalling in mid-air. He looked down, gritting his teeth as he reached out for the doorknob and opened it.

"I will be right there." His voice gradually went softer, as the door slowly closed with a soft click. The heavy atmosphere left in that room was soon taken away by the morning wind through the opened windows.

At that moment, he realised, and understood something.

Allen wasn't pushing him away.

He was letting him go.

It was time...to move on.

**xxx**

_I'm so sorry, but I have always loved you._

_The End_


End file.
